I have been at this music thing for a while now. Kind of.
It certainly hasn't been my full time pursuit, but over the last 8 years I have invested a great deal of time, energy, and money into the making and sharing of my music. I have made sacrifices in my teaching career for the sake of my art. I have taken risks and put myself out there in ways I didn't know I could. But am I “successful”?
By most common metrics, the answer is a resounding “no”.
I don't make much money from my music. I don't have millions (or even thousands) of followers on social media. I don't have throngs of eager fans counting down to shows or releases or announcements. I am just a person who happens to love making music and is sometimes lucky enough to share that love with others. Often the sharing feels like it goes largely unnoticed, if I am being honest. Some of the events that I play are not shows or concerts, I am just adding to the ambience of the event with music in the background. Now, I don't mind this at all, this is not a complaint! But I have learned to go into these types of events without much expectation of connection. I will always greatly value an appreciative nod from a passerby, a smile, a kind word, a tip in my jar. These tiny points of connection matter a lot to an artist who notices how many people walk by without seeming to hear or see me at all. Or even worse (though very rare) the people who negatively comment on my voice or my piano playing, thinking I can't hear them.
I have played at markets, in coffee shops, and in restaurants where I did not have a single point of connection the whole evening. Last summer on my tour, I played a venue (that shall remain unnamed) for THREE HOURS and didn't talk to a single person between songs or sets. I felt totally invisible. These situations can feel pretty disheartening. I learned a lot last summer about myself as an artist and what kind of music career I want moving forward. You may have noticed that I am playing significantly fewer times this year. That is not a coincidence. : )
And on the other side of the coin, sometimes these events result in a myriad of connections and reignite a sense of passion and purpose in me. Last week, playing music at a market in Calgary was one of those instances! I definitely did not feel invisible! I had lots of great connections with many different people and drove home afterwards feeling happy and fulfilled (well first I drove to get a cheeseburger of course, and then I drove home…).
I had a beautiful moment, or moments I suppose, with a lovely woman named Grace. She was dressed in the most fabulous kelly green outfit and was a vendor inside. I was set up just out of the big, open barn doors and I could be heard both inside and outside. I had spoken to Grace briefly while I was still setting up, commenting on how much I liked what she was wearing. Once I was a few songs into my first set, she came back outside and asked me to play her a song. I played her my original, “Wildflowers” and she listened intently to the entire thing and told me how much she enjoyed it when it was done. I thanked her for listening, she went back to her table and I continued on with my set.
A while later, as I neared the end of my second of three sets, Grace came outside again. I had just started a song and she came and stood beside me and I could hear her softly harmonizing with me. When the song ended, I turned to her to thank her again for listening and this time for even participating and singing with me! Before I could say anything, Grace said “you're not going to believe this…I was just saying to my husband, ‘oh I wish she would play ”What a Wonderful World", I just love that song", and what do you know, that song just happened to be in my set list. We were both smiling and laughing at the beauty of that moment. Of all the songs that exist…of all the songs that I know…how delightful that I just happened to play that one.
Now, Grace could have chosen to just keep this moment to herself and her husband, listening from inside and enjoying the coincidence. But she shared her delight with me, and it became my delight too. It became such a lovely moment of connecting with a complete stranger.
So Grace, if you happen to see this blog, thank you. And if we happen to cross paths at another event, I will be sure to invite you to sing with me again.
These special moments are the ones that I count as “success”. Money and recognition are great, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't mind a great measure more of both of those things. But what keeps me going is the connection. It's beautiful little instances with people that I might not even know, but in that moment we see and hear each other and we are friends.
And if anyone is near Drumheller tomorrow (Friday, August 23rd), come out to Summer @ the Plaza and I will sing “What A Wonderful World” (and many more songs) for you! I will be playing between 6:30 and 8:30.
Much love,
Sara-Mae 💚