I almost can't believe it, but today is my EP release day! "Letters to Ben" is finally available to stream and download everywhere. I am mailing out a few dozen CDs to people as soon as I am finished writing this. Now anyone anywhere can find these songs and listen to my story - to our story.
The mixture of emotions is overwhelming. One minute I am happy and excited, the next I am filled with sorrow, tears of disbelief streaming down my face...still trying to understand how all this happened. Why all this happened.
Though there is a long list of "business" things for me to do as I navigate the world of being an independent musician, today I am choosing to follow my heart's lead. I am stopping and sitting, letting the tears come, letting the excitement bubble up. I want my music to do well. I want it to be heard and enjoyed and to spread as far as it can. But I can only do so much and today I need to allow myself to sit with my thoughts and feelings and just be.
When I have released music in the past, I have put on album release concerts. I have had all the excitement and nervousness of planning and putting on an event, of sitting at a piano on a stage in front of an audience and sharing my songs for the first time.
This project is SOOOOOO different, for so many reasons. The world is different. I'm different. I want to share these stories with you in person. I want to see the understanding in your eyes as I sing about my grief and it connects us as you reflect on your own. I want to tell you the stories...how these songs came to be. I want to tell you all about Ben...this person who had such an enormous impact on my life.
I have announcements of podcast interviews and blogs and videos and merch and all of those things. They are coming. But not today. Today I hope you will take some time to sit and listen. Listen to the songs. See who is brought to your mind...how these songs connect to you and your story. Where there is grief, allow it to come. When there are tears, let them fall. When a smile or a laugh comes, enjoy it.
And if you are so inclined, send me a message and tell me about it. Tell me about the person you are freshly grieving, or you lost long ago. Tell me about the person who is still alive but is far away from you now. Tell me how you feel when you remember that special moment when you met someone who changed you.
I'm here. I'm listening.